The Kick-Ass Blog
Sometimes you just can’t win some fatherhood challenges
Fatherhood is ego-bruising work. Isn’t it weird? I KNOW that I’m an expert but my kids make me FEEL like a complete novice. You manage a team at work. You exceed expectations. But this morning, you could barely manage to get the kids to school on time. The kids I...
Understanding your stress responses of fight, flight, freeze, and fawn.
“Why didn’t you honk at him?!” my wife Betsy demands, exasperated and angry with the driver who just cut us off. She would have laid on the horn but I swerved instead. Betsy’s question immediately triggers shame. Real men fight for their space. We are supposed to...
Fawning while male: breaking gender stereotypes
“You’re a Momma’s Boy!” Oh, the things we say! Why do we tell boys not to cry, not to show emotions or weakness? Are we trying to protect them? From what? One answer: a harsh world, a dog-eat-dog world. We are training Spartans who can “win the fight.” One of the...
What does human connection cost?
No one listens to me. I give up. I'm tired of trying to tell you how I feel. You don't care what makes me sad, worried, or frustrated. These were the messages I learned growing up. They still dictate how I function most of the time. For instance, we spend a huge chunk...
The power of an apology in repairing relationships
I'm sorry. The most powerful two-word phrase in the English language …and every language: I'm sorry. Why is it so powerful to hear “I'm sorry”? Because “I'm sorry” can repair the hurt that I caused you. A true apology can rebuild and strengthen our relationship. Why...
I’m not OK. How do we break the cycle of saying “I’m fine”?
I’m not OK. I just can’t tell you that. If you ask someone, “Are you OK?” you can break the cycle of “I’m fine.” From having worked with men and boys for over two decades, I see the pressure on people socialized as men to keep moving and not slow down. Life feels like...