Are you in a tug-of-war over how you care for kids, maintain the house, and do all of the things that life brings (finances, social life, fitness, etc.)?
Time and energy are limited. We try to support each other but sometimes we get in each other’s way. The game is rigged: If you win, your partner loses.
So, what can you do?
First, think about what you resent the most. Does your partner find it easier to say “no,” to take me-time, or prioritize rest? What inflames you is a guide for you to regain your power.
Most of the time, our resentments point us to the places where we don’t feel like we are allowed to go. For instance:
- I get SO pissed at my husband when he plops down on the couch and rests.
- I resent my wife always talking about her feelings.
- I resent my partner for taking time for himself.
- I don’t think it’s fair that my partner says, “no” when I don’t have that option.
These clues don’t mean that you need to immediately change your beliefs about rest or self-care, establish boundaries, or suddenly become more emotionally intelligent.
They can offer you a reflection of why you get so irate. They can give you a place to have some compassion for yourself. After all, there is a younger part of you that feels confined and helpless.
When our anger and frustration gets activated at others, it usually tells us something about ourselves. What you do with that insight is up to you.
The most powerful thing you can do with that knowledge, in my opinion, is to build a pause between the action you witness and your reaction. Even a sliver of a pause, slowing down your reaction, can give you a choice of how you WANT TO respond. That’s true power: choice.
For more ideas, check out the Companion Guide for “How to Be a Better Partner: A Brief Illustrated Guide for Dads”
photo credit: Tachina Lee/Unsplash
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