Can “Fight Club” Help You Navigate Fatherhood?

My mom hated “Fight Club.” Bare-knuckle boxing, underground societies, Brad Pitt’s abs … it just wasn’t her thing. Why did I want to talk to her about it? There’s something about that movie that resonates, something beyond the violence and mayhem.

It’s not about the fighting itself; it’s about the struggle with masculinity, the search for identity, the messy process of figuring out what kind of man you want to be. And that’s something every dad can relate to.

I grew up bombarded with conflicting messages about masculinity. “Boys don’t cry” “Be a man” and “You throw like a girl.” These messages shaped me, limited me, and left me confused about what it truly meant to be a man. And when I became a father, that confusion intensified. What kind of example was I setting for my kids? What kind of man did I want them to see?

Like a lot of guys, I searched for role models. I turned to fictional characters for guidance. Movies, TV shows, even comic books. I searched for heroes, for anyone who could offer a roadmap through the confusing terrain of manhood. Even now, with my kids grown, I still find myself analyzing characters, their journeys, their struggles, and their triumphs. I’m searching for those kernels of wisdom, those insights that can help me become a better man, a better father.

A time for UN-learning

Now that journey includes UN-learning. I am unlearning the rigid, binary definitions of gender I absorbed over the years. These harmful stereotypes and expectations limit us all.

As a dad, you’re a role model whether you realize it or not. Your kids watch you, listen to you, and absorb your attitudes about the world. That’s a powerful responsibility! And it means we need to be constantly learning, growing, and expanding our understanding, especially when it comes to creating a more inclusive world. This includes expanding our understanding of gender beyond the binary, creating space for trans and non-binary people.

Why? Because building a more inclusive world starts with us. It starts with the conversations we have, the examples we set, and the questions we’re brave enough to ask. If we want our kids to embrace diversity and celebrate differences, we need to show them how. It starts with fathers like us.

Where can you talk about this stuff?

As a father trying to balance all the things, how do you keep expanding your capacity for empathy and understanding? You need a safe place to have these conversations, to ask those sometimes-uncomfortable questions, and to connect with other dads who are grappling with the same challenges. That’s where Dads Nite Out comes in.

I started Dads Nite Out to create a space for dads to connect, share experiences, and support one another on this crazy journey of fatherhood. We meet monthly, sharing stories, insights, and hopefully a few laughs along the way.

And speaking of shared experiences, our next Dads Nite Out is all about “Fight Club.” We’ll watch the first half of the movie together, then head over to the brewpub next door to unpack what we saw and what it means to be a man in today’s world. Join us for a night of connection, conversation, and maybe even a little bit of chaos.

Ready to dive in? Register here for our next Dads Nite Out.

photo credit: Claudio Schwartz/Unsplash and Birmingham Museum Trust/Unsplash

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